I cockslap morals
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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