I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
