I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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