She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
