omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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