I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
