No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
