I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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