had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
