I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
