I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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