I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
