she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
