You're completely useless in the revolution.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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