The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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