i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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