Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
