Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
