Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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