this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Come share oat with me in your robe
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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