somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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