You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
