Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What a dumb baby whore.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
