I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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