Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
