hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Life is so much better after having sex.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
