i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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