It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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