Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You made out with two different species that night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
