She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
