i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
