apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want nice things and good sex
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize