I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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