He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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