I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
