70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
