I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
