Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Two words: blizzard sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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