My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
