the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
