i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
