I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
