You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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