All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize