Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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