In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
