I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
