you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
