oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
