Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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