he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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