My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
