Say something about gay babies.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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