so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
