I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who died my cat blue again?
How naked do you want me to be?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
