Someone shit on the floor
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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