dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
