There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
