Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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