At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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