PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
