i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I cannot find my penis.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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