How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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