this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
