You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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