Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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