Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
