I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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