Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
