Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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