i permit you to call me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize