you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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