So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
