im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I only lived at night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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