I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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