My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
