You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
