There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
