So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
