My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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