he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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