I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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