I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
