my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize