my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The Olympian is in my bed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
