It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
