That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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