when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
