fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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