This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
