idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
