I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
