rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize