My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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