yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
