My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Farmville is her only friend.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
