she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize