I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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