when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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