mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
