i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
