He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
